When I was little, my parents called me their “chatterbox child who didn’t have an off button!” I remember sitting in my car seat as a toddler chattering away, and I would point at every person and object we drove past asking my mom and dad non-stop questions. (Bless!) One afternoon after a heavy rainstorm, the clouds started slowly drifting allowing the sun to peak through. Piercing through the thick blanket of grey, you could see sunbeams illuminating the sky pouring out to the ground below. In my children’s Bible at home, there were drawings of sunbeams peeking out behind clouds to illustrate God. So I pointed and asked my mom, “Is that God over there talking to someone? What’s He saying?”

Later as an adult, I still wished it were that easy! For a long time, I felt like the only way I could hear God’s voice was through someone else – whether it was through a pastor’s sermon, Bible study lesson, a conference speaker, or a podcast. God does use other people to communicate His message, and has throughout history. But I also craved for the ability to hear from God directly and not through anyone else’s interpretation or commentary. And to know without a shadow of a doubt it was the Lord.

And I finally did over the course of three years. What truly opened my eyes and ears to God’s voice was better understanding of my role as His servant through Isaiah 49.

Isaiah 49: The Servant of the Lord

“The Lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name. He made my mouth like a sharp sword, in the shadow of his hand He hid me; He made me a polished arrow; in his quiver, he hid me away. And He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will be glorified.”

… “I will make you as a light for the nations, that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth.”

Isaiah 49: 2-3, 6 (ESV)

1. “In the shadow of His hand He hid me…”

The darkest shadows are usually where we experience the greatest growth. He is our shield, our protector and defender even through the deepest trenches. And sometimes – the very cause of the shadows may actually be the covering of God’s hand, shielding us and protecting us. Sometimes, many of our darkest moments are actually God’s acts of mercy and protection. What a beautiful image how Isaiah found comfort and hope beneath the shadow of God’s hand. There is no safer place to dwell.

God often uses the darkness to draw us closer to Him, in deeper dependence and intimacy.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalm 91:1

Psalm 91 also speaks of dark seasons and how seeking shelter with God leads to deeper intimacy with Him and His voice. “When He calls to me, I will answer Him.” (Psalm 91:15)

How and where do you typically seek comfort in difficult seasons? What would it look like to instead find shelter in the presence of God? What might be holding you back?

2. “He made me a polished arrow, in His quiver He hid me away…”

During my wilderness season (stay tuned for next week’s blog post!) I felt like I was enduring an unending course of trials, one after another, over and over again. I felt like a warrior in battle, covered with dust, gunpowder, blood and sweat. My bones ached and my muscles were giving out. And every time I clumsily picked myself up off the ground, I was only blasted with another explosion of defeat and heartbreak, and was knocked down again. I was emotionally exhausted, spiritually strained, my strength was dying, and I felt like there was no way I could survive one more blow.

But at the same time – somehow, I had never heard God’s voice so clearly and so frequently as I did on that battlefield. His voice was gentle, quiet and soft, and yet still could still drown out the roar of the explosions and shock waves. It was like a battle scene in slow motion where all the background blasts and chaos blurred into a low rumble. With each emotional blast in my life, He was sharpening me into a “polished arrow” and His voice became more clear. With the constant strain and pain of being pulled, He was positioning me in His quiver. I could feel the shaking and trembling of the resistance. Every time I thought I couldn’t handle being pulled back another inch, He would say, “Trust me.”

And then day I realized, “Where does a warrior keep his bow and arrow?” Right by his face. And that’s exactly where I wanted to be. Pulled closer and closer to His face. So close that I could hear His voice, sense His pulse, and feel the breath of God.

How is God stretching you? We may not always know the exact reasons behind each trial we face, we do know that God’s unending purpose for us is deeper intimacy with Him. And when we choose to seek HIM instead of seeking answers, we position ourselves for clearer communication with the Lord.

3. “You are my servant, in whom I will be glorified… that my salvation would reach the end of the earth”

In ancient Israel, different weapons were used according to the range of combat. Short-range weapons like swords and daggers were used in hand-to-hand combat. Medium-range weapons like spears were designed to be thrown a short distance away. Long-range weapons like slings, and bows and arrows were used to target enemies at a great distance that required skilled precision and technique.

If an arrow is not properly held up close to the warrior’s face, then he can’t discern his target. If the arrow is not polished, it won’t be effective. And if the quiver is not pulled back taut, then the arrow won’t fly. The last precondition is especially imperative when the target is a great distance away.

Likewise, the greater the resistance we experience through our trials, the more effective we can be for His mission! The more God stretches us, the farther, swifter, and sharper we can fly as polished arrows to bring Him glory. And our mission is to bring Him glory “to the ends of the earth.” The farthest distance possible!

The mission is to love God, and to labor so that all people will love God, to the ends of the earth. And if we are truly pursuing His mission (above our own mission), we are pursuing His heart. His voice.

With each strain and pain of being pulled, stretched, and sharpened – for the first time in my life, I grew to truly love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind . . . and that love grew greater than my desire to be rescued from the valley. Because I realized I was already rescued. In the dark shadows, through the emotional battlefield, He was already there the entire time.

And through that realization, He then taught me how to love Him with all my strength. Strength implies a struggle. It’s not always easy to love God, sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard to worship when your heart is broken, crushed, and sometimes just numb. But when His Spirit dwells inside you, His strength and power also flow through your veins. All of our trials, challenges, and heartache can be used for a greater purpose – to shift from seeking God’s answers and provision, and to simply seek Him.

Through all of that crumbling and stretching while sheltering in His shadow, that’s where I learned to love harder, speak less, and listen more. That’s where I was never filled with more awe and wonder of who God is. It’s where I learned to discern His still, gentle voice – as clearly as if He was speaking to me through the sunbeams as a little girl pointing up at the sky.